track suits and tricky cars: sofia, bulgaria

Why are there so many men wearing track suits in Bulgaria? It’s a genuine question, please tell me if you can unravel this mystery.

Our route:

• Sofia
• intention to go to Koprivshtitsa but we zoomed past the exit and went to Devetashka Cave and Krushuna Falls instead
• Veliko Tarnovo
• Tryavna on the way (can be skipped)
• Plovdiv
• Riga Monastery (can be skipped if you’ve seen monasteries before)

When I got off the plane in Sofia, Bulgaria, it immediately smelled like I thought Bulgaria would smell, even though I’ve never been there before. Just going to let that sit there because I don’t even know what to do with that information.

Ryanair lands at Terminal 2 which means it’s only a 5 min walk to the metro that takes you into the city center. If you land in Terminal 1, it requires a bus sitsh or a doable walk partly along the highway, which I did when I departed Bulgaria with Wizz Air.

One of the first trials of arriving in a new country, when you are stingy and resourceful, is the use of public transport. It’s the perfect test and unrelated to how much I would flourish at the Hunger Games and/or The Amazing Race.

It was past 11pm so when I approached the metro station, there was no ticket counter or personnel in sight.

I didn’t check what currency they have in Bulgaria and exchange rates? (sounds like poppycock), so I approached what I thought was the metro ticket machine that only accepted coins because there was a picture of coins on it.

Next to it, was the lone Unicredit bank ATM.

I saw what they did there – nothing slips past me. You need to get cash out at the machine so you can use their public transport that costs a few coins. My scammy sense was tingling, but Ubers are my kryptonite and I don’t like spiders. I enjoy unsettling comic book fans.

I Googs the exchange rate and prayed to the bank fee gods to be kind to me. I have a Wise credit card (EU data roaming works in Bulgaria) so I was able to real-time see that the lone ATM didn’t charge a withdrawal fee.

Praise be.

I take my fee-free wads of bills and side step to the ticket machine that only accepts coins.

Turns out it was actually a coin machine. As in, it takes your bills and turns them into unwanted, heavy coins for you to carry around while you age.

Shame.

Still not knowing how to buy a ticket, I walked towards the turn stiles (is that what they are called?). Turns out (play on words) you can skip looking like an complicated fool by simply tapping your credit card to pay at the gate.

If this isn’t proof that I won’t get killed in the first 5 seconds of the Quarter Quell, I don’t know what is.

eat.

In Sofia, I did a free food walking tour called Balkan Bites. It was solid. We didn’t go to all the locations mentioned on their website and I craved a bit more history of the food instead of information on the more recent food scene. Splendid overall, mostly because we went to a wine place.

Since they poured one too-many glasses, the guide asks an open question to everyone who wants the extra glass?

She scans the room. People are jumping up and down, holding out their hands like they belong in Oliver Twist.

She locked eyes with me and says you will have my glass. I can see it in your eyes.

Moving on.

I ate at Cheesus– the name is great. The sandwich was heavy. Good, but the layers of fat and sauce was excessive. They even gave extra sauce on the side and I think for the first time in my life, I didn’t touch a side sauce. gasp. The sandwich was saturated to the max.

I also thrice walked up and down the street Cheesus was on because the entrance is very non-descript. I saw someone walking with a Cheesus’ bag and I basically had to reverse engineer someone’s shadow angles to find the door. Finally my grade 12 trigonometry came to good use.

cheap.

I don’t know why I do such stupid shit.

Standing in front of the Regional History Museum there are these fountains that are part of the building. I had some store- bought water left in my water bottle, but I was greedy that day my friends.

I saw some random guy drinking from said fountain that had a no bathing sign above it. He pulls out an empty 5L bottle to fill up and in my head I thought this is reputable. This is safe drinking water. This feels legit. Lets filly up my water bottle.

I approach.

Steam is coming off the pool of water under the tap. I graze the top of the water with my pinky. It was warm, but not scalding so I continue to pour some water into my bottle.

I stop filling about halfway and go to smell it. Eggs. Sulphur.

Super glad I paid for water earlier and decided to mix it with the filth from the side of a random building that I walked past.

I shamefully walk away and pour out the half filled water bottle around the corner.

I later read that it is thermal water that is very safe to drink and has healing properties. People flock from miles around to savour a sip. Hmmm not so stupid after all.

travel.

I went back to the airport to meet my friend and pick up the rental car.

Spicay-ness ensued.

Never have I ever been driving a rental car, going 110 kilometers an hour on a two lane highway with a cliffside to my left and semi trucks to my right- when the entire car dashboard lights up a very angry, aggressive red, with bright blinking warnings screaming at me PULL OVER – ENGINE FAILURE – PULL OVER – ENGINE FAILURE – ENGINE FAILURE until it happened a second time 20 minutes later.

During the first instance I glance to my friend because the semi truck blocked us from the side of the highway so I couldn’t pull over to the speck of shoulder lane.

Me to my friend cool as a cucumber, “Do you think the car will explode?”

Remaining calm but not wanting to lie she responds “I don’t know enough about it” as she chatGPT’s it. It goes away on it’s own.

We continue to drive.

It happens again. I ask my friend to call the rental company.

Their response (frankly a little two blasé for my liking)

Cheap fuel added. Fine (implying we were over reacting)

After that we didn’t get any more warnings, we ended up adding petrol to the half full gas tank, but we will never know what the problem actually was. Life’s little mysteries.

Some time later, I was speaking with my coworker from Bulgaria about this and she said “my dad was driving with my brother and that warning happened. The engine started smoking so he pushed my brother out of the car and got out himself ONLY FOR THE FRONT OF THE CAR TO BLOW UP. Luckily they were close to a fire station.”

I guess chatGPT didn’t quite catch that one.