It was my first Oktoberfest (I know, right? I’m just as shocked)- I went from September 28-October 1 2023. It’s right up my alley- German drinking, hearty German food, traditional German attire. Delightful. I went to Munich with a couple of beauties, who happen to both speak German- one of which was a frequent flyer of Oktoberfest, so I knew it would be a cocktail of good times.
We booked our flights and hotel in February.
what to wear
Women traditionally wear a dirndl (dress with a corset of sorts so the ta-ta’s are out). But they can also wear shorter lederhosen (although I only saw one chick doing this and it looked fake to me). I realise I make comments about genuine/ fake attire even though I’m not German and have never been to Oktoberfest, but I do what I do.
I bought my adorable dirndl online from Trachtl. I had to pay for shipping to the Netherlands, but the quality was good and the price range didn’t make my bowels drop- authentic dirndl’s are €250+. I needed to size up because of my jugs, so take the measurement guide with a grain of salt. It came with the dress, apron and blouse- when things are bundled together at a reasonable price, it makes me happy.
If you don’t dress up or if you show up in a Halloween costume-looking sleazy dirndl, people (me) will judge. Wearing normal clothes is better than wearing a Halloween costume though. So choose wisely- I’m preparing my stink eye from afar.
packing list
I nearly packed only my dirndl and some paracetamol, but then my friend sent me a list.
- ibuprofen/aspirin (or other drugs) to cure hangover
- cash! And lots of it since you can only pay with cash for everything- I brought €280 for the two days and came back with €20
- two sets of shoes for Wiesn (in case one gets soaked in beer). I only wore one pair because I’m gross like that
- small deodorant- the second day (Saturday) my friend’s aerosol deo was confiscated so a stick or roll-on is best)
- small power bank (my friend’s phone died and we lost her for 1.5 hours)
- small purse, they won’t let in normal-sized backpacks
- you can’t bring water bottles into the tents, but you can carry them on the festival grounds. No glass bottles. I brought a mini 300ml plastic water bottle in my purse and one sour grape security guard threw it away
where is Oktoberfest?
Oktoberfest is located in a park/ meadow called Theresienwiese or Wiesn as zee Germans call it. There were at least two entrances near the tents, both are located on the north end of the park. The closest station is ubahn Theresienwiese. There are signs everywhere, just follow the lederhosen and the smell of bad decisions.
what time of day should I go?
Tents open at 10:00 and we lined up at the smaller second entrance at 08:30 on the Friday of the last weekend. We were quite close to the front of the line, maybe 25 people in front of us. By 10:00 the lineup grew to 800+ people. When the gates open, don’t run- you’ll look like a twat. Not speaking from experience at all.
We went to our first tent and it was nearly empty, we ended up ordering a beer, received it and paid for it, then decided to move tables because the vibes were better felt elsewhere. Truthfully, the table of guys we were originally sitting near ordered radlers at 10:08. I don’t need to elaborate, but the waiter laughed when she took their order and looked a bit disgusted- and so were we, so we moved away.
YOU APPARENTLY CAN’T MOVE TO A DIFFERENT TABLE.
In our new section, we found out the hard way from a nasty waiter who berated us and said we owed her a big tip (more on tips later). We ordered a bretzel the size of my face from a random woman and then like any calm, level-headed adults we finished our beer and then ran like the dickens while the negative Nancy waiter was looking the other way.
why can’t you change to a different table?
According to the wet blanket waiter, she earns money from the people in her section so by sitting in her section with a beer bought from someone else, she is out a bunch of money. Eye roll.
reserved tables
All I heard about reservations was that companies reserve years in advance and they are expensive. I’m not sure if this is true, but apparently, common folk can reserve a table for €550, which is a lot but you get a beer with it and some food. You can also split it 8 ways. Tables are difficult to get though so maybe I’m completely wrong.
On the Saturday, we arrived just after noon. We went on some rides, bought a clothespin with a cute (in a way only the German language can make it) word on it- schatzchen. Then we headed to the tents. Very different experience compared to the first day. We went into beer gardens and inside a few tents with absolutely no luck in finding a table. Some tents were closed. In Himmel, we wandered around for 45 minutes asking people if we could squeeze in- nada. We decided to call it, but tried looking outside one more time. We went up the outside staircase- there was a sign that looked like it said reserved, but it actually isn’t. We happen to find a perfect table when two people got up to leave.
My friend said between 14:00-16:00 is when the reserved tables change out, so you may be able to find a table with all the movement, but our timing was off.
what other rules are there?
You can’t stand on tables. When feeling the urge to belt out German music at the top of your lungs, stand on the bench only. Put one leg on the table for support. If someone is eating, don’t stomp on their food. Upstairs, outside you can’t stand on the table benches- at least we got a German scolding for doing that.
You can’t chug the litre of beer. This is not a challenge. I’m aware you probably can chug it, but if you do so inside the tent and security catches you, then they remove you from the tent so you don’t upchuck. Apparently, you can come back in after 30 minutes/ 1 hour when they are certain you won’t cause a mess.
The tents close when they are too full. You will not be able to re-enter if you leave, even if you have a spot at a table. In some cases, you can get a stamp to re-enter, but don’t expect it to happen.
The tents close. Yes, this dream won’t last forever. Oktoberfest tents close at 22:00. You will be ushered out sternly by the sour grapes.
how do Oktoberfest waiters earn money?
It’s a weird system, but Oktoberfest waiters buy the beer up front, then sell it to you for a mark up + whatever tips you give. Everyone tips, so don’t think you are getting ripped off. One Maß (1 litre of beer) is €13.70- €14.50, but we rounded up to €14 and €15. They will give you change back, but you need to tell them how much tip you’re giving/ how much you want back.
BRING CASH
They do not accept card- even for the rides, food stalls etc. it’s all cash, all the time.
what tent should I go into?
Whatever one you want to, it’s your life.
Ambrust-Schutzen- Festzelt has the one Debbie Downer waiter.
Schützen-Festzelt is a pristine choice with good looking guys, but there is a bit of a pompous air to the place. People don’t stand on the table benches early on because they are all proper and put together- you don’t get more pretentious. Yes, we did accidentally go into the first Ambrust- Schutzen tent, thinking it was this Schutzen tent.
Hacker Festzelt (Himmel der Bayern) is delicious, good times through and through.
food
schweinshaxe mit Knochen- crispy pork knuckle on the bone.
weißwurst- for breakfast. comes with a bretzel. Best to remove the skin since it is chewy, but you can eat it with and it won’t kill you.
obatzda- Bavarian cheese spread made with cheeses and butter. Dip your bretzel in it.
kartoffelknödel- German potato dumpling. They put a crouton in the middle of it!
brezel- pretzel
That my friends, is how you do Oktoberfest properly.
