Would people say I am a full-moon party animal? Some may. Although, the only wild part of my night is when I have wild berry tea and instead of getting so drunk that I blackout, I prefer lights out at 10:00 PM.

So it was only natural that I would head to Koh Phi Phi, known for its insane nightlife. Even better thought-out (it was cheap) was when I chose to stay at Ibiza House Pool Party.  Occasionally, names can be deceiving. This was not one such occasion. If you are a light sleeper, the music till 3 AM every night may be an issue. The official pool party happens three times a week and four times a week there are groups of people unofficially partying near the pool. There are alcoholic buckets available at the pool area but they are overpriced, so you are better off buying something in town and then casually, if not creepily, watching others enjoy their buckets inside the pool area while you look on from outside the gate. You aren’t allowed to bring outside food or beverages in. The hostel was directly located on the beach though, which was nice. However, since Koh Phi Phi is quite small, even if you stay away from the beach, you are still close to everything. I stayed two nights later at Freedom Hostels at Phi Phi, which was quiet and lovely. They even sold boat tickets that were cheaper than in town (300 to Krabi compared to 350).

The first night I arrived by boat from Phuket I enjoyed some beverages with a lovely French gal that I met. The next day she was a bit chipper than I was but to save face I decided to hike to the viewpoint, hungover and still working on my 2011 (7 years ago) summer bod. The viewpoint costs 30 baht (as of November 2018) so remember to bring some cash and water. Don’t be fooled, it is a steep trek up the side of a mountain. Keeling over, sweat and alcohol seeping from my pores, I glanced up at a respectable mother about my age, carrying her 6-month-old baby in one of those chest wrap things, jogging up the path, while chatting with her friend. Surprisingly, this was not a low point in my life. After Viewpoint 1 there is rightly named Viewpoint 2 slightly higher up. The French gal found a hike to a secluded beach in her French guidebook called Phak Nam Bay, I think. It is on the other side of the island and the hike starts just past Viewpoint 2 but since it was a 3 hours round trip we decided to not risk coming back in the dark. Especially with dem monkeys scurrying about.

The main two beaches on Koh Phi Phi are a tad dirty (one side from the pier pollution and the other side from drunks) so I recommended making the 25-minute trek to Long Beach. It is a bit more secluded and along the way, there is a swing for you to take pictures at for the gram.

Koh Phi Phi is expensive but the cheapest and the best food around was in what they refer to as the food market, which is near the pier. If you type in Pa-Noi Thai food into Google, it sort of takes you to the area. Every day I ate at a place I can’t pronounce but I took a picture of the menu, which will not help you at all.

The next day, I took one of a million of the same tour to Koh Phi Phi Don which cost me 400 baht. Be prepared for at least 40 boats all stopping at the same spots, at the same time so your Photoshop skillz better be good. The “stops” were:

• Monkey Beach
• Viking Cave
• Pileh Lagoon
• Lo Sama Bay
• Maya Bay

On Monkey Beach there are aggressive monkeys, made more aggressive by the long-tail boat drivers launching fruit into the air, and landing in between people, monkey babies and the monkeys. Numerous people were bitten/ attacked here. A nice Irish gal I met used me as a human shield when one monkey decided it didn’t like my face. I heard (this is personal knowledge) that if you stand in the water, the monkeys don’t like to get wet so they are less likely to attack you. I was told to skip Monkey Beach by my aunt but there were seriously no tours that didn’t offer Monkey Beach.

The Viking Cave stop consisted of our boat zooming past this icky cave as the driver yelled “PHOTO!”

Pileh Lagoon was nice, I think. Just watch out if you jump in the water that one of the million long-tail boat propellers don’t chop you up.

At Lo Sama Bay they let you go out and snorkel.

Maya Bay, where they filmed James Bond, was closed due to us humans damaging the area. So instead, we parked far away behind a wall of speedboats.

Overall, although it is overpriced and overcrowded, I adored Koh Phi Phi.

4.5 bites/ 5 rabid monkeys