As a Dutch gal, or any SANE person really, I am obsessed with cheese. Due to this, I am going to write about it now.

Czech Cheese

Korbacky: I didn’t know the Czech did cheeses but it once came to me on a platter in Prague so I was destined to taste it. Like the Greek Halloumi, this cheese is salty, white and a bit chewy. It comes tied up like a rope which is fun. It reminded me of those cheese strings that North American adults give their children in their school lunch boxes but not tasteless and shitty. If you are too embarrassed to pronounce it to a waiter, you can also purchase it at the Czech Tesco.

Dutch Cheese

Old Amsterdam: You can buy this cheese in expensive tourist shops in Amsterdam but also in Albert Heijn. It’s an old, hard cheese with little crystals of salt that makes it taste like heaven. I would liquefy this and inject it into my veins if I weren’t so terrified of needles. Make sure to cut it with a knife and not a Dutch Kaasschaaf because you will accidentally cut your hand twice. There is actually a non-tourist cheese that is the same thing but I can’t remember the name. If you go to the Albert Cuyp Market and ask for Old Amsterdam, the cheese maker will roll his eyes and tell you the generic name of it.

Geitenkaas: This particular goat cheese that I speak of is prepared the same way that the Dutch make Gouda so it’s not a soft cream but rather solid and it is bliss. You can make a fine sandwich with this cheese. A fine sandwich indeed.

French Cheese

I keep writing cheese since it is such a delicious word and I want to be reminded of cheese.

Camembert & Brie: I know these are actually separate cheeses from different parts of France but they are both equally gooey and yummy so I put them together. This is a go-to for that one time I had guests over and I needed to make a cheese platter. It is delightful on crackers but you can also stick one in the oven with some cranberries or something like that on the top. I’ve never actually done the oven thing but I’ve seen people do it so it’s probably good.

Greek Cheese

Feta: this is the super obvious one, you find it in pretty much every dish. The Greeks basically bathe in it. For a delicious appy (I shortened appetizer because I am cultured not uneducated) or side dish do the following:

• one brick of feta (don’t be cheap, get the actual Greek feta, not just no-name white cheese)
• tomato
• onion
• pepper/ capsicum/ paprika (I list them all so you know I am not talking about salt and pepper but the vegetable pepper)
• olive oil

Lay the feta in the middle of some tin foil, cut up a small amount of the veggies and put them on top of the feta with a bit of olive oil, wrap it up then stick it in the oven. I don’t know for how long nor what temperature but just keep poking it until it seems soft-ish.

Eeeeeekkkk after typing that I felt just like Martha Stewart before she traded egg-yolk whisking for drug frisking.

Halloumi: Y’all ready for this? Cue pumping Space Jam music. This stuff is like salty sea summer air mixed with the chewing texture of rubber. I explained it poorly but I promise if you fry it up with no butter or oil just let it sit in a pan or on a BBQ until the run-off juices have turned brown you will be good to go. I eat it by itself as a meal but it can be put on salads or eaten as a side with meats.

American Stuff

I am not saying American cheese is putrid but I actually am. Cheese should not come in a can no matter how apocalyptic things are getting. Also, cheddar cheese isn’t naturally orange. Digest that for a moment.

Below you will see an actual photo of me basking in the goodness that is cheese.