Why Travel is Better Than a Real Relationship

You wake up looking like your hair got attacked by a vicious bird. Your eyes are a little puffy due to A) the drugs you did in Amsterdam B) the tears you cried from not being able to find a Mcdonalds in London at 4am or C) the fact that you are just really unfortunate looking when you wake up. You finally realise that horrible taste in your mouth- a mix between Sambuca and vomit. Also, you need to poop. Thank goodness the love of your life is not laying beside you, otherwise, things could be mildly awkward. Instead, you are greeted with a magnificent sunrise kissing your cheek as you gaze upon the stunning Greek landscape. More realistically, you are greeted by your haggard one-night stand who is still so drunk that he/she still thinks you are that famous person you lied about being the night before.

Travel will always think you are sexy just the way you are. When you get dressed, you don’t need to be ashamed of the beer belly you’ve triumphantly gained from Oktoberfest. Who cares where your sock ends and your leg hair begins. The fact that you are wandering the streets of Barcelona looking like that crazy bird lady from Home Alone is not an issue. If anything, travel will be proud of all the exercise you are doing since you are too cheap to pay for public transit. You never have to argue about whether you are indeed, wearing brown flip-flops or if your feet are just that disgustingly dirty from walking the streets of Mumbai. Travel won’t judge you, in fact, I am sure it is very pleased you are immersing yourself in so much culture.

You don’t have to deal with all those annoying habits of your partner. Travel won’t leave the toilet seat up. In some cases, there may not even be a toilet seat. Travel won’t lose the cap of the toothpaste so it gets all dried and crusty. I bet it doesn’t care if you use gum as a replacement for brushing your teeth. Travel won’t be a jerk by eating the last bite of gnocchi soaked in that delicious sauce that you were saving for the right moment. Instead, it shows you the wonders of new, delectable food. Travel will never forget your birthday since every day is your birthday while travelling.

Feel like performing the jazz routine, to the Crocodile Rock, you learned when you were seven? Travel won’t ask for explanations. You never have to fight about who is paying for what since you are ALWAYS fitting the bill. Did your boyfriend just gift you an onion ring instead of that wedding ring you’ve been hinting about? Travel will never disappoint you.

Everything that a significant other gives you, travel can give you. Missing those relaxing massages? Don’t fret, just plan the next stop on your journey to a place where waterfalls are in abundance, then stand underneath one. Missing those heartfelt conversations you have while gazing into each other’s eyes? Go on a pub crawl. Drunken strangers LOVE telling you inappropriate secrets since they will never see you again. Missing those warm hugs? Animals kindly fill that void- be cautious of clawed/ highly dangerous ones. Otherwise, a lovely embrace can turn into a mutilated face. On second thought, an exciting trip to a foreign hospital may just be the thing you need when you are wanting some affection. Nurses have to be caring. It is their job.

Travel is never boring, rude or sassy; unless that’s your thing since it can be whatever YOU want it to be. It is that knight in shining armour, that sweet girl who is slutty yet respectable. Travel won’t abandon you, lead you on, cheat, lie or be jealous. It will love you wholeheartedly, forever. It will take your breath away one moment, then let you breathe a new life the next. It gives you much more than you deserve and never asks for anything in return.

ALWAYS.

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